(set: $chosenEvent to "START")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Oh my //God...//
You're //old//.
You're ''40''. The big four-oh. You have $numKids kids.
Your spouse helps out about $spouseHelp out of 10 times you want them to.
Your goal is to survive enough events without hitting zero happiness or zero duties fulfilled. You think it'll be good if you just weather enough crises to get old.
{Overall, you are a rather (text-color: blue)[{(set: $choice to 2)
(set: $choices to (array: "mellow", "neutral", "volatile"))
(set: $clothes to $choices's 2st)
(live: 20ms)[
(if: $choice > 0)[
$clothes
]
]}] person. <center>{(set: $bodyLink to "|body>[CHOOSE:
(link: $choices's 1st)[
(set: $choice to 1)
(set: $clothes to $choices's 1st)
(replace: ?body)[$bodyLink]
] -- (link: $choices's 2st)[
(set: $choice to 2)
(set: $clothes to $choices's 2st)
(replace: ?body)[$bodyLink]
] -- (link: $choices's 3st)[
(set: $choice to 3)
(set: $clothes to $choices's 3st)
(replace: ?body)[$bodyLink] ]
]")
$bodyLink}
<br></center>The glass is (textcolor: blue)[{(set: $moodchoice to 2)
(set: $moodchoices to (array: "half-empty", "bigger than necessary", "half-full"))
(set: $moodclothes to $moodchoices's 2st)
(live: 20ms)[
(if: $moodchoice > 0)[
$moodclothes.
]
]}]
<br><center>{(set: $mbodyLink to "|mbody>[CHOOSE:
(link: $moodchoices's 1st)[
(set: $moodchoice to 1)
(set: $moodclothes to $moodchoices's 1st)
(set: $id to $pessimistId)
(replace: ?mbody)[$mbodyLink]
] -- (link: $moodchoices's 2st)[
(set: $moodchoice to 2)
(set: $moodclothes to $moodchoices's 2st)
(set: $id to $baseId)
(replace: ?mbody)[$mbodyLink]
] -- (link: $moodchoices's 3st)[
(set: $moodchoice to 3)
(set: $moodclothes to $moodchoices's 3st)
(set: $id to $optimistId)
(replace: ?mbody)[$mbodyLink] ]
]")
$mbodyLink}</center>}
----
ACTIONS:
----
(display: "Constant Options")(set: $chosenEvent to "Child Protective Services")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Well...
You don't remember what happened. Except... some beer. There was... probably beer. And maybe a few sunrises? You take stock of yourself.
(display: "Show Happiness Duties")
Child Protective Services is in your living room, and giving you the 3rd degree in between giving you condescending looks. There seem to be a lot of beer bottles around. (if: $id <= 0)[(textcolor: blue)[
<u>**SAD SAD SAD SAD**</u> is written again and again on last Friday's newspaper, and smeared with tearstains. Oh right... You just had zero happiness in your life.]
Wait... you do recall crying a lot... That explains all the tissues all over. There were just so many things going on, and so many ways you were the scum of the earth... You sniffle again. It's enough to make you want to drink more.] (if: $superego <= 0)[
(textcolor: blue)[<u>**TOO MANY THINGS TOO MANY THINGS**</u> is written repeatedly all over last Tuesday's newspaper. You didn't fulfill any of your duties.]
You look around, and see that the family calendar on the wall is crammed with events and tasks overflowing into the margins and over the serene picture of a lake. There's even writing on the wall nearby, so you must've just been exhausted as you scribbled down more duties for yourself. It's depressing just looking at it... No wonder you got so drunk.]
You screwed up the work-life balance. Badly.
You failed as an adult.
You are shunned.
On the upside, your annoying spouse divorced you and took the kids, so you can [[start over->START]] with that nice single-parent you met at the day care.
With nothing to lose, you lumber to the kitchen, intent on another beer before even trying to get your life back together.
(display: "Reset")(display: "Begin Every Square")
At Thanksgiving (you could swear it just happened a few weeks ago, but here we are again), your mom tells your kid - "Ooh, I'm just old, that's why."
With a jolt, you realize that's true.
//Oh my god...//
Mom is //old//. Dad is //old//.
You need to take care of them - food, medication, doctor visits, everything! You hire a day-caretaker for them. You write in block letters on your calendar to visit them every two weeks. You leave some voicemails (that get more and more passive-aggressive) on your siblings' phones about them coming to help out.
You take on many more duties. Your happiness drops a bit.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
With dripping-wet hands, you are stooping under the kitchen sink to find the big soap-refilling bottle.
//This is the worst, when I'm trying to do like five things, but I need to wash my hands, but there's no more soap, and no more refills-//
You stop.
//Is this really all I dreamed of in life? Soap refills?!//
On autopilot, you dry your hands, find a chewed pencil in a drawer somewhere, write "soap" on the fridge shopping list, pick up the shrimp-shaped refridgerator magnet that always falls down, refill the kitchen sink soap from the bathroom soap, and clean your hands.
//Do I just repeat this, again and again, until I die?//
You are now almost done preparing dinner (you have no memory of doing it), and you reach expertly for the oven mitts.
//I used to want to TRAVEL, and HAVE SEX ON BEACHES, and TAME LIONS! Well, maybe not the lions, but definitely the others! I wanted to LIVE! ... I still want to LIVE!!//
You have finished dinner, the news, and two glasses of beer. You don't remember it, so that's enough justification for another glass.
//I'm going to make a CHANGE!!//
(display: "Show Happiness Duties")
[[Buy a sports car->Buy a Sports Car]]
(display: "Secret Lover Options")
[[Dye your hair->Dyed Hair]](set: $chosenEvent to "New Hobby")(display: "Begin Every Square")
One day, you realize that you've muttered "Ugh, I'm so STRESSED." to yourself five times in one hour.
After a hot shower that night, you swear to the steamy mirror that you're going to take care of yourself. In that moment - naked, clean, warm - you believe it.
The next day finds you sneaking glances at your coworkers' desks for inspiration. Specifically, Mrs. Wardburger's, because she has lots of yarn... things... all over it, like an invading army of colorful, misshapen creatures.
You ask her about it at the water cooler, even though she smells like an explosion at a perfume counter. Although you steadily get more lightheaded from her fumes, you end up clutching three magazines and a chipped blue crochet hook.
Between your new hobby of crocheting whenever you are alone and feeling "STRESSED", and your new friend (?) in Mrs. Wardburger, you grasp a little more happiness in your life. You reorganize your duties and you end up doing less to make time for crocheting.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Show Happiness Duties")
(display: "Constant Options")~~Randomly choose event~~
(set: $chosenNum to (random: 1, $eventsArray's length)) (print: $chosenNum)
(print: $eventsArray[$chosenNum])
(set: $chosenEvent to (either: ... $eventsArray)) (print: $chosenEvent)
~~Remove chosen event from possible events~~
(set: $eventsArray to $eventsArray - (a: $chosenEvent))
Event Array is now: (print: $eventsArray)
(goto: $chosenEvent)(set: $numKids to (random: 2,4))
(set: $spouseHelp to (random: 3,6))
(set: $chosenEvent to "START")
(set: $id to 10) (set: $superego to 10)
(set: $lowStat to 5) (set: $highStat to 15)
(set: $pessimistId to 5) (set: $baseId to 10) (set: $optimistId to 5)
(set: $maxId to 20) (set: $maxSuperego to 20)
(set: $secretLoverEvents to 0)
set Events Array for randomly accessible events
(set: $eventsArray to (a:
"Satisfaction With Kids",
"Old Parents",
"Relatives Ask For Money",
"College Kid",
"Spouse Crisis",
"New Hobby",
"Nice Kids",
"Too Many Animals",
"Pregnant",
"Spouse Illness",
"Spouse New Hobby",
"Cross-Fit",
"Sex Life Problem",
"Midlife Crisis",
))
Set Id Values:
(set: $idEvents to (dm:
"Satisfaction With Kids", 3,
"Old Parents", -5,
"Relatives Ask For Money", -1,
"College Kid", 4,
"Spouse Crisis", -3,
"New Hobby", 2,
"Nice Kids", 3,
"Too Many Animals",-1,
"Pregnant", 2,
"Spouse Illness", -2,
"Spouse New Hobby",-2,
"Cross-Fit", 3,
"Sex Life Problem", 0,
"Midlife Crisis", 0,
"Secret Lover Discovered", -4,
"Child Protective Services", 0,
"Counseling", 0,
"Divorce", -5,
"Compromise", -2,
"Secret Lover", 7,
"Overworked", -3,
"Buy a Sports Car", 7,
"Dyed Hair", 3,
"Work Harder", -3,
"Drink Tonight", 3,
"Failed Intervention", -1,
"Successful Intervention", 4,
"Hotline", 2,
"A Minute of Reflection", 0,
"New Restaurant", 3,
"Delegate Tasks to Spouse", 4,
"Take a Fun Class", 2,
"Take a Walk", 3,
"Obsess Over Divorce", -3,
"Celebrate Divorce", 3,
))
~~gets added to current duty-count~~
(set: $superegoEvents to (dm:
"Satisfaction With Kids", 0,
"Old Parents", -5,
"Relatives Ask For Money", 3,
"College Kid", 5,
"Spouse Crisis", -4,
"New Hobby", 0,
"Nice Kids", 0,
"Too Many Animals", 3,
"Pregnant", 3,
"Spouse Illness", -4,
"Spouse New Hobby", -4,
"Cross-Fit", -2,
"Sex Life Problem", 0,
"Midlife Crisis", 0,
"Secret Lover Discovered", 0,
"Child Protective Services", 0,
"Counseling", 0,
"Divorce", -4,
"Compromise", 1,
"Secret Lover", 0,
"Overworked", 7,
"Buy a Sports Car", 0,
"Dyed Hair", 0,
"Work Harder", 3,
"Drink Tonight", -3,
"Failed Intervention", 0,
"Successful Intervention", 0,
"Hotline", 0,
"A Minute of Reflection", 0,
"New Restaurant", 2,
"Delegate Tasks to Spouse", 4,
"Take a Fun Class",-2,
"Take a Walk", 0,
"Obsess Over Divorce", 0,
"Celebrate Divorce", 0,
))
(goto: "START")(set: $chosenEvent to "The End!")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Congratulations, you lived long enough to be old!
You fulfilled all the necessary duties, and you're happy (enough) with life. If that wasn't enough of being a middle-aged adult for you, you can [[start over->START]].
You succeeded as an adult!(display: "Begin Every Square")
Relatives hit you up for so-called loans. You know you will never get that money back.
But... blood thicker than water and so on or whatever.
So you fork over the money, feeling responsible, yet somehow manipulated.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Your kid got into college! Not only that, they actually moved out and went!
Now you get to practice long-distance fretting, but you also have less duties to perform.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
So you're in bed, head on the pillow, and the other half is really upset. There is a Problem To Be Solved.
Your spouse is talking: "- and it's been going on for a month now - I think it's been a month, it started sometime around when -"
You show your love by trying really hard to stay awake past 10 pm as they talk on and on about... about... um...
//Damn, what was it? Taxis with goopy seats? No, that was the dream when I nodded off. Stay AWAKE!//
Your spouse is still talking: "- headache, which happened at work -"
//Oh, right. Health thing. Headaches and exhaustion and maybe other stuff. STAY AWAKE!//
You manage to speak: "Should probably get that checked out, honey. Do you have a doctor's - thing?" There's another word, but you don't remember it anymore. "Appon-ment?" Good enough.
Your spouse sighs and tells the cab driver to drive around the giant potholes, because white rabbits live there, and we don't have time to go to Wonderland before the doctor's appointment. There's too much traffic.
As the cab driver swerves, you hear: "- Tuesday. Still awake?"
"Yes." You declare, and snap back to reality. Your eyelids feel weighted. //STAY AWAKE!// "Sorry."
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
After dinner, you take a long drink.
You've got it pretty good. Good spouse, good kids.
Yeah. Quite good kids.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Some mom at the daycare says you have really nice kids. The teacher agrees.
Kid #2 just stumbled over to you.
"Heyah!" They gave you an enormous, pink, macaroni-encrusted card. It has the words "I" and "you". There's also a wonky rectangle that has been colored in with intense focus and at least two entire red and purple crayons.
"What's this drawing, honey?"
"Do-wah!" Door.
//I.... door... you...
I ADORE you!
SO CUTE!//
You scoop up the child and cuddle them ferociously.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
There are just too many animals!
The kids can keep the toad and mice, and your cat-addict spouse can keep the cats (mostly because they'd probably choose the cats over you), but the three neighborhood dogs that come around for food have got to go.
You whip up a rough poster in Word using some WordArt.
You get neighborhood posters up all over.
You take them down, and put up ones with the correct phone number this time.
Eventually, two of the dogs are taken by people who seem nice.
You're resigned to the last one (nicknamed Smooshyface by the kids) being around until you die.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Oh. Pregnancy.
Oh my god.
Wow. Your spouse is excited. Your kids are telling you all the gory, gross, gloppy details they interrogated out of their suffering teachers about birth. The youngest is very concerned that you might flush the baby down the toilet after pooping it out.
It's all good. Yeah. All good.
Nine months groan, vomit, and waddle past. No one wants to remember that.
Now you have (set:$numKids to $numKids+1)(print: $numKids) kids! And no one is allowed to sleep for more than 2 hours at once, by decree of the newest infantile overlord.
You manage to fire off some emails to family and friends to let them know. These people flood into your disaster zone - home, it's a home, - and overdose your kids with sugar, but it's great to see all of those wonderful beings from Great Beyond the Screaming Baby Zone.
//Wonder what it's like to live there, in the Great Beyond. Must be nice. Maybe that's what heaven is like...//
You drift off to sleep for a precious half-hour.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Your spouse sounds like a particularly sniffly, miserable Samuel L. Jackson, though you've never heard Samuel L. Jackson curse using "fudge" and "Shiitake mushrooms".
//My better half is a oozing, loopy, moaning zombie for the next few days.//
Your to-do list overflows onto two more sticky notes.
The current task is to dose the spouse with enough caffiene to make a sloth tapdance. You don't want them to fall asleep at the wheel.
//This is MY oozing zombie, after all.//
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
You love your spouse. Really, you do. Deeply and forever and after.
But - Pokemon Go? Really?
They charge out of the house at odd hours yelling about "rai-chus" and other things that sound like sneezes or gargles.
They do seem happier.
It's difficult to remember that on late Wednesday nights as the oven beeps, the smoke-alarm wails about a low battery, the kids retell poop jokes nonstop, and the spouse is running out the door, though.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
The on-hold music whines tinnily in your ear as you juggle the phone, some laundry, and a toolbox. A child flops onto the living room floor right in front of you - you automatically do an odd sort of skip to avoid stepping on them. You issue some reprimand, nearly drop the phone, and manage to fling most of the laundry into a hamper across the room.
Cartoon-boat panties flutter down. You scoop them up, and veer into your bedroom to gather up the dirty laundry. There's a pair of red panties with a hole atop a trashy romance novel featuring a tattooed upper chest.
//Despite all the panties dropped around here, there isn't that much sexy panty-dropping in marriage.//
//Actually, it's been... a month since we had sex? No, maybe a few months?//
It's been a long time, but with all the kids running around scraping their faces on things, waving grubby field-trip permission slips, fighting each other, and crying about heaven-knows-what... it's just been a non-issue.
You readjust the phone, and find yourself pouring laundry detergent into the machine.
//Wait, no, we argued about sex - ugh, some time ago. And some time before that.//
The familiar petty anger at your spouse rises. The phone's on-hold music reaches a static-y crescendo.
//We definitely have a problem in our sex-life. //
(display: "Show Happiness Duties")
[[Throw yourself into work ->Overworked]]
[[Find a new hobby ->New Hobby]]
(display: "Secret Lover Options")
[[Get marriage counseling ->Counseling]]<!--(set: $chosenEvent to (either: "Divorce", "Compromise", "Sex Life Problem"))(if: $chosenEvent is "Sex Life Problem")--!>(set: $chosenEvent to "Counseling") (display: "Begin Every Square")
(either: "You walk", "Your spouse storms") out of the (either: "dildo-decorated", "cramped", "sickeningly yellow-green"), (either: "musty", "cloying") office first, but you and your spouse stood up at the same time.
"(either: "COMPROMISE THERAPIST", "COUPLES' COUNSELOR", "Couples' Counseling")" is printed on (either: "a plaque on the", "the crosshatched window of the") (either: "beige", "wooden") door that you slam behind you after your spouse has gone through. The counselor, a (either: "curly-haired", "long-haired"), (either: "stick-like", "apple-shaped") (either: "woman with maroon lipstick", "man with a wimpy sort of goatee"), wrenches it open and follows the two of you down the carpeted corridor.
"Now, now, let's not be rash! Come back to my office, we can talk-" you hear behind you.
"NO!" declares your spouse.
You hurry to follow your partner back to the car. The drive home is spent talking about all the dildos, fleshlights, kink toys, and Kama Sutra posters in the office - and what the counselor was intending with the bed in the corner. Oh, and cursing the couselor.
Well, that counselor was a bust.
(display: "Show Happiness Duties")
[[Throw yourself into work ->Overworked]]
[[Find a new hobby ->New Hobby]]
(display: "Secret Lover Options")
[[Get marriage counseling from someone else->Counseling]]
[[Divorce]]
[[Compromise]]
<!--(link-goto: (either: "Divorce", "Compromise"))[[Divorce]] [[Compromise]] [[Sex Life Problem]] ] (else:)[(goto: $chosenEvent)]--!>(set: $chosenEvent to "Overworked")(display: "Begin Every Square")
You wake up.
You are slumped over your desk, and it's 1 am.
//Oh my god...//
You blearily shove your things together and also try to reply to the 24 missed texts from your spouse (in order of increasing hysteria and fury).
(display: "Every Square")(set: $chosenEvent to "Secret Lover")(set: $secretLoverEvents to 1)<!--Add next Secret Lover event to queue--!>(set: $eventsArray to $eventsArray + (array: "Secret Lover Discovered")) (display: "Begin Every Square")
You open up an incognito tab. At a library computer.
After glancing suspiciously at the two teenage boys reading "The Angry Caterpiller" nearby and laughing uproariously, you google your town name and "secret affair".
You haven't felt this much adrenaline since that acne-ridden Home Depot worker claimed they already delivered your washing machine when you told them it hadn't arrived for three weeks.
**www.BigSexyConvenientAffairs
ForMatureAdultsOnLunchBreak.com**
You hear an unfamiliar roaring. Oh, it's your heartbeat in your ears.
**username:**
//Um...// The cursor blinks on and on.
You can recall literally nothing about affairs other than that one song.
**username: PinaColadas**
**//Username is in use. Try: PinaC0ladas991314, PinaColadas63203202, PINAColadasAndGettingDrunkInTheRain33//** You take the last one, plus your usual password of **BeerIsLiquidBreadIt'sGood4U!**. Then you upload a picture you once emailed to yourself (**Subject: actual good picture of me attached**) and type up a profile description that focuses largely on beer, sex, and your peanut and dust allergies.
Finally, you can use the site. Pages of posing men and women appear, beside horny descriptions that overuse and over-abuse the words "wet" and "hard". Some even have the "emoji" ;). Good heavens. You click through in fascination even before filtering for the ages and genders you want.
A month passes - a glorious month of sneaking out of the office on Tuesday at lunch, meeting a sexy, slightly-wrinkled, financially-solvent, middle-aged adult (usually with the same lower back pain that YOU like to talk about!), having sex, having lunch, and returning, out-of-breath but elated, to the grind.
You can't remember the last time work didn't feel like work. You are so much happier, only slightly more guilty, and your usual begrudging duties feel light as a feather.
(display: "Every Square")(set: $chosenEvent to "Buy a Sports Car")(display: "Begin Every Square")
You buy a sporty, bright red convertible.
All the daddies and mommies in minivans stare jealously at you as you blow by them on the highway.
//Aw, yeah.//
(display: "Every Square")(set: $chosenEvent to "Dyed Hair")(display: "Begin Every Square")
You enter the salon.
You exit the salon an hour later with brilliantly red hair.
(display: "Every Square"){<!-- Get Id and Superego Bonuses from array --!>
(set: $idBonus to $chosenEvent of $idEvents)(set: $egoBonus to $chosenEvent of $superegoEvents)
<!-- Apply volatile or mellow multipliers --!>
(if: $choice is 1)[(set: $idBonus to $idBonus * 0.5)] <!--mellow--!>
(else-if: $choice is 3)[(set: $idBonus to $idBonus * 2)] <!--volatile--!>
<!-- Update Id and Superego --!>
(if: ($id + $idBonus) > $maxId)
[(set:$idBonus to ($maxId - $id)) (set: $id to $maxId) ]
(else:)[(set: $id to ($id + $idBonus))]
(if: ($superego + $egoBonus) > $maxSuperego)
[(set:$egoBonus to ($maxSuperego - $superego) ) (set: $superego to $maxSuperego) ]
(else:)[(set: $superego to ($superego + $egoBonus))]
}(display: "Begin Every Square")(set: $spouseHelp to 0)
You tried. Your spouse... acted like they tried.
The entire extended family keeps calling, trying to get you and your spouse back together, and interrogating both of you about whose "fault" it is.
But, regardless of the marriage counseling and family attempts, divorce really seems like the answer.
You feel:
[[relieved.->Celebrate Divorce]]
[[lost.->Obsess Over Divorce]](display: "Begin Every Square")
Between you, your spouse, and a trained mediator, you hammer out a compromise.
You do your best to remember the reasons you married.
It all feels very... adult, and mature. You had hoped you would never have to act this mature, but, to be fair, it does seem like it might work.
As with all compromises, no one really wins or loses. Even though the mediator seems to be on your spouse's side...
(display: "Every Square")(set: $chosenEvent to "Drink Tonight")(display: "Begin Every Square")
(either:"You drink! Everything is good. You push off some duties until tomorrow... but that's future-you's problem!",
"You arrange a babysitter, and go out for a drink with your spouse and some college friends!
Life is goooooood... and bright... and kinda blurry, but the happy kind... Yesshhhh...",
"You and your spouse share some red wine tonight.
Of course, there's a background soundtrack of children whining, but that's practically white noise to you now.")
(display: "Every Square")(set: $chosenEvent to "Work Harder")(display: "Begin Every Square")(if: $id < $lowStat)[(set: $chosenEvent to "Overworked")(goto: $chosenEvent)]
(either:"You yawn and keep tapping at the keyboard. The Excel spreadsheet seems to go on forever.
Your bones creak, and your back hurts.
This is your main conversation topic around the water cooler.
You still have (print: $numKids) kids, and they aren't anywhere near college yet. Ugh...",
"You throw yourself into work and to-do lists. Stuff gets done. You return home, and your (print: $numKids) kids are screaming.
Again.
They've been at it for a hour now, and your spouse has no sympathy since you've been working late.
You are starting to vaguely hear the eerie mersong harmony in it as you scrub dishes.",
"Another day passes. You remember literally nothing from it.
Is it Tuesday? Thursday? You don't know.
All you know is to-do lists and red-yellow-green markings on your Excel spreadsheets at work.
Last night's dream was about spreadsheets, come to think of it.")
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Update Id Superego From ChosenEvent")(if: $id < $lowStat or $superego < $lowStat)[
<div class="redmessage">Happiness: (print: $id) / $maxId ((if: ($idBonus >= 0))[+](print: $idBonus))
Duties Fulfilled: (print: $superego) / $maxSuperego ((if:
($egoBonus >= 0))[+](print: $egoBonus))</div>](else-if: $id < $highStat or $superego < $highStat)[
<div class="yellowmessage">Happiness: (print: $id) / $maxId ((if: ($idBonus >= 0))[+](print: $idBonus))
Duties Fulfilled: (print: $superego) / $maxSuperego ((if:
($egoBonus >= 0))[+](print: $egoBonus))</div>](else:)[
<div class="greenmessage">Happiness: (print: $id) / $maxId ((if: ($idBonus >= 0))[+](print: $idBonus))
Duties Fulfilled: (print: $superego) / $maxSuperego ((if:
($egoBonus >= 0))[+](print: $egoBonus))</div>] (set: $id to 10) (set: $superego to 10) <!-- reset happiness + id --!>
(set: $idBonus to 0) (set: $egoBonus to 0) <!-- reset changes to happiness and id --!>
(set: $chosenEvent to "START")**(uppercase: $chosenEvent)**(set: $chosenEvent to "Hotline")(display: "Begin Every Square")
"Well... thank you. Thank you so, so much." You say awkwardly into the phone, shifting around on the park bench. //It seems like such a small thing to say, but it's all I can say.//
//"My pleasure. I hope for the best for you."// The hotline worker responds, a smile in her voice.
You end the call, lean back, and stare off into the dusky sky above the park.
//I finally called. And I think... I know what to do next. And why I've been feeling so terrible...//
A fresh breeze sweeps past you, and you breathe it in.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Well... Your unbearably well-meaning friend rounded up a bunch of friends, sort-of friends, and acquiantances to all go out as a group to a bar.
They had scheduled it for today. At 7 pm - half an hour ago.
It was all "You HAVE to come" and "Come on" and "You've been SO sad lately" and other pressure. So you agreed, mostly to stop them talking about how pitiful you seemed these days.
And now, you are helping your kid with homework, as usual. You are ignoring the buzzing of text messages on your phone. You are ignoring it ferociously, until it all goes away.
They really mean well.
But you really don't have time for bars and meeting up with them.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Your friends mobilize like a military operation.
Step 1: One of your closer friends calls you, and gets you to agree that it's been a long time, and that everyone should get together sometime.
Step 2: Said friend appears at your door that night, and invites you to see their new car as your spouse trails along. The new car is, oddly, packed with your mutual friends.
Step 3: Someone declares that everyone's going out for dinner tonight. At least three helping hands press you into the backseat of the car as someone else starts the car. Your spouse tosses your wallet into your lap, the car door slams, and the car peels out of your suburban street with your baffled face inside.
You realize that your spouse has been conspiring against you since Step 1, but the irritation only lasts until the conversation turns to drinks.
Your dearest bosom-friends drop you off sometime late, and you sway up to your front door.
"29 bottles of beer on the wall ~" You sing. "20 bottles of beer!~ Take one down, pass it around, 24 bottles of beer on the wall!~"
(display: "Every Square")(set: $chosenEvent to (either: "Failed Intervention", "Successful Intervention") )
(goto: $chosenEvent)
[[Failed Intervention]]
[[Successful Intervention]]{(set: $chosenEvent to "A Minute of Reflection")(display: "Begin Every Square")
<br><!-- Happiness Self-Reflect (print: $id) >= (print: $highStat)--!>
(if: $id < $lowStat)
[<div class="redmessage">LOW HAPPINESS:
You dread waking up, and fantasize about going to sleep, every day. It's all so... pointless. It feels like you're going to repeat these meaningless actions until you get to die. You don't know how many friends you have left. You haven't seen them in ages.</div>]
(else-if: $id < $highStat)
[<div class="yellowmessage">MEDIUM HAPPINESS:
You're chugging along, like a choo-choo train. True, you occasionally slip up at work and use words like "poopyhead", "doggy-wog", and "trucky-duckies", but you know... You're doing okay. Life is fine.</div>]
(else-if: $id >= $highStat)
[<div class="greenmessage">HIGH HAPPINESS:
The kids are charming and silly, the car is still working, your spouse said something so cheesily romantic you can never repeat it, and you just opened a new sponge for the kitchen sink! Everything is great.</div>]
<br><!--Duties Self-Reflect (print: $superego) >= (print: $highStat) --!>
(if: $superego < $lowStat)
[<div class="redmessage">LOW DUTY-FULFILLMENT:
But... ugh... everything you're supposed to do seems insurmountably troublesome. It's all such a drag, so you just... don't do it. </div>]
(else-if: $superego < $highStat)
[<div class="yellowmessage">MEDIUM DUTY-FULFILLMENT:
You're chugging along through your duties well!</div>]
(else-if: $superego >= $highStat)
[<div class="greenmessage">HIGH DUTY-FULFILLMENT:
All ought to bow before your phenomenal ability to complete your to-do list. Truly, you are mighty.</div>]
(display: "Every Square")
(display: "Reflection Actions")}(display: "Begin Every Square")
You take up CrossFit!
You've never felt better than now! You do situps as the oven cooks! You lunge and sashay through grocery shopping! You wear skin-tight, brightly colored exercise gear! Every. Single. Day.
Two of your friends now refuse to talk to you until you "learn to shut up about CrossFit!" You keep weightlifting with whatever pet or child is nearest, and cut those Negative Nancys OUT OF YOUR LIFE!
(display: "Every Square")<!--Try something new randomly--!>(if: $superego < $lowStat or $id < $lowStat)[(link: "Try something new")[(set: $chosenEvent to (either:"New Restaurant", "Take a Fun Class"))(goto: $chosenEvent)]]
(if: $superego < $lowStat)[[[Delegate tasks to spouse->Delegate Tasks to Spouse]]](display: "Begin Every Square")
In a phenomenal display of syncronization and pure grit, you and your spouse herd the squirming, yowling masses of children into a car.
You drive to that really nice Indian place that a friend recommended a few years ago. The spouse uses some amazing cajoling powers to usher the kids inside with minimal distractions.
Sure, you spend most of the meal enforcing basic nutrition rules or interrogating the server in case there's any uncooked meat, but it's so wonderful to not have to deal with making and cleaning up dinner at all.
You haven't had Indian food in so long. You and your spouse share a smile.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
The poster taped to the water cooler reads:
<center>''Thumb Piano: Some Simple Music for Beginners
6-7pm, Thursdays in Conference Rm 3
RSVP before Feb. 1 to
motivation@humanresources.work.com
Bring employee ID!''</center>
//What on earth's a "thumb piano"?// You swallow down the water in your paper cup and throw it away. Curiosity persists all the way back to your desk.
Google provides pictures of handheld wooden blocks with parallel metal prongs of different lengths, secured a centimeter or so above the block. A Youtube video shows a person's thumbs pushing on the ends of the prongs to pick out a twangy tune.
You wander over, empty lunch Tupperware in hand, to check it out.
A short conversation with a highly-caffinated, short HR lady later, you've somehow committed taking the class. You're even ... excited!
Two weeks later, you can pick out "Happy Birthday", "Beautiful Brown Eyes", and "Mary Had a Little Lamb".
Your spouse is less than delighted about making dinner and wrangling the kids to eat it on Thursdays. But you've achieved a long-dead dream of moving beyond baffled incompetence with an unusual musical instrument.
(display: "Every Square")(display: "Begin Every Square")
You carefully copy your to-do list onto a "Honey, do:" list.
You use block letters. After all, your sweet spouse might claim they just CAN'T READ your writing, so they just CAN'T DO all those things. You're up on their tricks.
Much better. You click the pen closed with satisfaction.
(display: "Every Square")(if: $spouseHelp > 0)[[[Look out for the next crisis or whatever.->Event Chooser]]](else:)[[[Think about what went wrong->Obsess Over Divorce]]]
(display: "Drink or Work Options")
[[Take a minute for reflection->A Minute of Reflection]]
(if: $id < $lowStat)
[[[Call a hotline->Hotline]]
[[Tell a friend you're sad->Friend Intervention]]<br>](if: $eventsArray's length is 0)[(goto: "Endgame")] (if: $id <= 0 or $superego <= 0)[(goto: "Child Protective Services")](display: "Begin Every Square")
You inform the spousal unit that you are feeling crazy and need to step out for half an hour.
After tracking down a kid you hadn't seen in a while, washing the dirty pans, and gathering up the dirty laundry scattered around the kids' rooms, you manage to get out.
//Wow. It's so ... quiet.// The streets are dark, except for the pools of orange light around the streetlamps.
Your ears ring in the silence as you wander down a few nearby dead-end streets.
//This is so nice.//
(display: "Every Square")(set: $chosenEvent to "Secret Lover Discovered")(display: "Begin Every Square")(set: $secretLoverEvents to 2)
It's lunch break on a sunny Thursday, and you're off to have an affair and find some joy away from your irritating spouse and cold bed!
You round the corner into the parking lot, and see:
Your spouse and ...
Your secret lover.
Oh no.
(display: "Every Square")(set: $chosenEvent to "Celebrate Divorce")(display: "Begin Every Square") (set: $spouseHelp to 5)
Finally out of your oppressive marriage, you go out! You meet people! You spoil your kids rotten, especially when they echo how awful your ex was!
You've start going to a Single Parents' Meet-Up group. It's great, everyone is fun, and all the ex-spouses were apparently terrible humans.
It's not long until you start dating around.
It seems like only a few days of bliss until you find yourself grinding through another set of wedding invitations. Whoa, deja vu.
Suddenly...
You're married again!
(display: "Every Square")(set: $chosenEvent to "Obsess Over Divorce")(display: "Begin Every Square")
Your friends and family are sick of hearing about your failed marriage.
They don't know how repetitive THEY sound, too! //Blah, blah, you're in a rut, blah, blah, never going to win if you keep on like this, blah, blah.//
The bathroom scale is also looking bad. Your health is going downhill, but it's so hard to care.
(display: "Every Square")[[Try to celebrate the divorce or something->Celebrate Divorce]][[Keep your head down, focus on work->Work Harder]]
[[Give up on today, get drunk->Drink Tonight]] <!--Boring or CPS--!>Double-click this passage to edit it.(if: $secretLoverEvents is 0)[[[Google up a secret lover in your area ->Secret Lover]]](else-if: $secretLoverEvents is 1)[[[Meet your secret lover->Secret Lover Discovered]]](else:)[[[Fix up the marital problems from your affair with counseling->Counseling]]]